


Drunken Declarations

by JinxedAmbitions



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 22:16:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4978603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake gets exceptionally drunk and decides he has something very important to tell Cougar.  The only problem is finding Cougar.  So, Jake comes up with the brilliant plan to shout his revelation in the streets in hopes of Cougar finding him instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunken Declarations

**Author's Note:**

> Apology fluff after yesterday's chapter of Salvation Between Bookends.
> 
> This fic is inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YesZ8FSKX1M).

Jake stumbled out of the bar around one in the morning. Pooch let him go without a fight. It really wasn't worth the trouble of keeping him upright.

The sidewalk felt uneven as Jake tried to walk in the direction of their hotel.

“Stupid sidewalk...out ta get me,” he slurred, using a fire hydrant he'd tripped over to support himself.

He _needed_ to get to Cougar. He had something very important to tell him. However, when Jake tried to read the street signs, they seemed to be written in a foreign language that was both blurry and ever moving.

Jake tried to find his own way, but when he approached people for directions they backed away as though afraid.  He'd only asked if they'd seen a Mexican man wearing a cowboy hat who looked like he would shoot someone from a great distance.  That was a perfect description of Cougar, and people were just being weird about it.

After Jake had stumbled for a while, he found himself back in front of the bar. Or maybe it wasn't the bar. Jake couldn't really tell.  Then he had the revelation that their hotel was above the bar. Jake would just make Cougar come to him.

Jake tripped over the fire hydrant again as he began to yell.

“Cougar! Cougs! You have to come down here. I have something _very_ important to tell you,” Jake drunkenly shouted.

“Shut up! It's two a.m.,” someone called back.

“Listen here, asshole. I need to tell Cougar I love him,” Jake yelled loudly.

“Shut the hell up, or I'm calling the cops,” another voice called.

“So call 'em. I'm not afraid of no cops. I'm in love. Cougar. Cougar, did you hear that? I'm in love with you. Pure unadul...adulterer...unadultererated love with you,” Jake shouted, pushing off the hydrant and into the empty street.

“Should we get him inside before he's arrested?” Pooch asked Clay as they stood just outside the bar watching the show.

“Hell no. Night in jail will serve him right,” Clay said, lighting a cigarette as he watched Jake stumble around proclaiming undying love for Cougar.

“You think he realizes that Cougar went back to her place instead of the room?”

“Nope.”

“Should I call Cougar?”

“If Cougar shows up, we're all going to be arrested. Who do you think he's going to blame for Jake getting this drunk?”

“Good point,” Pooch said, cringing as Jake tripped and almost went face first into the asphalt. He caught himself at the last moment. He was still yelling, but now he was also trying to serenade the missing sniper.

“Shut up!” a woman's voice called.

Clay laughed when Jake took a tomato to the chest. He stumbled back, but his song barely wavered.

“I can't wait to show this to Jolene,” Pooch said as he recorded the event on his phone. Jake was hit by an egg next, and Clay was actually impressed by the person's aim because it hit Jake right in the ass.

“And here come the police,” Roque said, joining them outside. Jake still sang as several cruisers arrived. “Ten bucks says it takes four cops to detain him and his idiot muscles.”

“I'll take that bet,” Pooch agreed.

They watched as several officers approached Jake, but he didn't even pause.

“Sir, you need to quiet down. Several people reported a noise complaint,” one officer said.

“No! Gotta tell Cougar I love him.”

“Is he here, sir?”

“No, but if I yell, he'll come.”

“Why don't you go back to your residence, sir, and wait for him there?” Another officer asked him.

“No, I've got to tell him now. It's very important that I tell him right now.”

“But he isn't here.”

Pooch was trying not to laugh because it would ruin the sound on the video, but he was definitely chuckling enough that Roque took the phone to hold it still.

“Sir, if you don't quiet down and go inside, you'll have to come with us to the station,” the first officer said.

“No, I have to wait for Cougar. Coooouuuugar—”

“Sir, please come with us.”

“Nu-uh. Cougar! Cougar, I love you. I've never loved anyone the way I love you,” Jake shouted, trying to dodge around the officer that went to grab him.

“Oh this'll be good,” Roque said, watching the way the officers weren't entirely sure what to do because Jake acted more like a drunken child than a man.

“Cooooog-uh—” His howl was cut off when he tripped over his own feet. The officers just gaped at him for a moment before renewing their quest to take him in. Somehow, he managed to avoid them through sheer unpredictability. That is until one got a hold of him.

Cougar was walking up the street then, hands in his pockets, looking unassuming as could be. Then he heard Jake's cries as they tried to hold him down. It truth, they weren't being nearly as rough as they could've been given his state of belligerence.

Pooch and Clay got in Cougar's way before he could got to Jake. Pooch had a hand on his chest, holding him back.

“What's happening? Why is Jake being arrested?” Cougar asked, trying to get around them.

“Jake's just making a public nuisance of himself. No worries,” Clay said, completely leaving out the why.

“Cougar! I love you. I wanna have your babies,” Jake shouted, unaware Cougar was now there, not that that would've stopped him.

Cougar wrinkled his nose. “Qué?” he asked, looking around Clay at Jake who was flailing between several officers, making it impossible to get him to the ground.

“He's drunk. He loves you. Wants the world to know.” Clay kept his voice nonchalant.

Cougar tried to go around them again as Jake was taken to the ground.

“The important thing here is that we have money riding on this,” Pooch said, and he really should've expected the fist to the face. “Jesus!”

The officers quickly noticed Cougar launch himself at both Pooch and Clay. They jumped off of Jake who was once again singing about Cougar. This time the song outlined all of the things he loved about him.

Cougar was grabbing Clay by the hair and cursing at him in Spanish when the officers intervened.

“ _You have the most beautiful eyelashes_ ,” Jake sang as an officer tackled Cougar to the ground. _“And your smile is_ so _pretty_. _It would light up the night sky_.” Cougar grinned, and there was blood on his teeth where Pooch had taken his retaliation.

Once the officers were involved, the Losers looked out for each other, only making the fight that much worse.

Jake continued to sing loudly about how wondrous Cougar was. Roque continued to record the whole affair.

In the end, Cougar, Clay, and Pooch were cuffed and escorted into the back of the police cruiser. Jake was left lying on the sidewalk, trying to come up with a word that rhymed with 'skin' that would convey how wonderful Cougar's skin was. Roque waved to his CO as the car drove away, receiving the middle finger in return, then he walked over to Jake.

He kicked him gently to get his attention. “Hey Jake. I think Cougar's in your room. I'll help you get up there,” he said, shutting off the phone and hauling Jake to his feet. He put an arm around him and carried him upstairs. He was grateful that Jake was snoring loudly by the time he set him down on his side in bed. He let himself out of the room and went back to his own.

\---

Jake woke to a glass of water being poured on his face. He spluttered, sitting up quickly. Then he clutched his head in agony.

“Oh god, why does everything hurt so much?” he asked, keeping his eyes shut tight.

“You drank enough to drown a horse. Come on, get up. We have to go bail out Cougar, Pooch, and Clay,” Roque told him, pressing several aspirin into his hand.

“Why are they in jail?”

Roque just chuckled at him, throwing a pair of jeans and a shirt to him.

When they walked into the police station, several of the officers openly laughed at Jensen. He was confused and looked to Roque for explanation, but Roque just looked grim as ever. They were led to the holding cell where all three of their team mates were waiting.

“How the fuck were you the one that didn't get arrested last night?” Pooch demanded upon seeing Jake standing on the other side of the bars.

“Why would I have been arrested? Why were you arrested?” Jake asked, clutching the side of his head because it still hurt.

“Why were we arrested? Why were...Why don't you asked your damn boyfriend?” Pooch shouted.

Jake frowned in confusion. “My boyfriend?”

Cougar rolled his eyes.

“Pooch, I think you're mistaken. I don't have a boyfriend. I am a straight man...”

“You weren't last night when you told the entire county how much you loved Cougar,” Pooch snapped.

“I did what?” Jake's eyes were about the size of dinner plates as he gaped at Pooch, then looked at Cougar to check whether he looked particularly murderous.

“You want to have my babies,” Cougar said with an amused smirk. Well at least it wasn't the smirk of murderous intentions.

Jake squawked.

“I don't believe you. Why are you really in here?”

“Because your boyfriend decided to punch me for no goddamn reason while you were getting arrested,” Pooch said bitterly.

“You were letting him be arrested, _after_ you let him drink so much.” Cougar actually spoke, and it quieted everyone down. Pooch actually looked sheepish after his words. Clay looked a little apologetic as well.

“So wait, the cops came to arrest me for being a nuisance, but they arrest you guys for fighting instead because you were dicks and were going to let me get arrested?” Jake puzzled out. Cougar nodded. “Oh man, karmic justice right fuckin' there, man. I am the king! And you, Cougar. My karmic knight in old leather. I could just kiss you.”

“Dude, if you're going to start singing again, we're going to taser you,” an officer said as he unlocked the cell.

“I was singing?” Jake gulped.

“Honestly, never try out for American Idol, man. I've heard dogs carry a better tune,” the guy said, opening the holding cell and letting the Losers out.

Jake stood to the side and watched them step out one by one. Cougar was last, and Jake was expecting him to walk by just like the others, but he stopped and pulled Jake in close to check him for injuries.

“You're all right?” he asked, patting Jake's shoulder.

“Hungover as hell, but probably better than I'll be when I find out everything I said last night,” Jake said, not meeting Cougar's eyes.

“Ignore them.”

“Did I really say that about the babies?”

“Sí, just as I was getting there. The officers were already there.”

The officer who let them out nodded. This was too embarrassing. Jake couldn't fight the blush.

“They would be good looking children,” Cougar told him, before turning and following the others.

Jake took in a sharp breath, then hurried after Cougar. “They would wouldn't they? I mean, I don't know if I'm ready for the responsibility that comes with children, but we would make some damn pretty children. Wouldn't we, bossman?” Jake asked Clay over Cougar's shoulder.

“Jensen, I will let Roque stab you if you don't shut up. I just spent a night in jail because of you.”

“Don't be that way, Clay. I've been shot at and almost set on fire by your ex girlfriends, so this isn't even close to even between us.”

Everyone but Clay agreed with that assessment.

Jake was a little shy around Cougar, keeping things light and harmless until they got back to the hotel. However, once they were there, Cougar dragged him back to the room they shared. Cougar showered immediately while Jake snuggled back into his bed. It was safer there.

Jake had his laptop out and was typing away when the email from Pooch came through. Jake clicked on the attached video, and watched in horror as the previous night played out before his eyes.

When Cougar came back out, he was only wearing a pair of lounge pants Jake had bought him for Christmas. They had little kittens all over them and were soft as a cloud.

“Um, are we okay?” Jake asked from where he was watching the video on repeat.

Cougar looked at him as if to say, “why wouldn't we be?” as he rubbed his hair dry with a towel.

“Exhibit A,” Jake said, turning the screen just as the video showed Cougar punch Pooch, and Jake begin singing.

Cougar smiled fondly. “You should probably not sing very often, but we are okay,” he said, grinning as the camera caught his bloody teeth in time with Jake's song.

“Rude, but um, good. That's good.”

“Don't you have something to tell me?” Cougar asked, still smiling. It was rare that he smiled, and certainly not for so long.

“Um...no?”

“No?”

“Not that I can think off,” Jake said, completely at a loss.

“So, you do not love me? Un-adulterer-atedly?” Cougar actually laughed at his own joke. Jake would've been completely offended if it was anyone else, but it was Cougar, and he was smiling at Jake like he was the cutest thing on Earth.

“Hey, that was before you got there. How do you—”

“Pooch.”

“The bastard.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, I love you. My love is so pure that I even frankenstein myself some new words to describe it,” Jake told him.

“Good.”

“That's it?”

“I love you too, Jake. You should already know this.”

“I'm kind of dense.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Not making me feel the whole love thing,” Jake groaned, flopping back against his mountain of pillows.

Cougar grinned and laid down on the bed with him, turning away from Jake and settling in.

“Not get a lot of sleep last night?”

“Pooch snores.”

Jake laughed, putting his laptop down. He'd erase that video from existence later, but right now he had Cougar to cuddle with, and that was even more important than embarrassing drunken serenades. Well, maybe not _as_ important since those drunken serenades opened up the possibility, but cuddles were important. Extremely important.

 


End file.
